Place your jokes in this section. A little naughty will be tolerated but please no really vulgar ones!!! If you might be offended it may be better to bypass this section!!!
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To Join The Forum
Replies: 17
by
BruceS » Sat Jun 01, 2019 8:34 am
» in
Forum Notices
First post
From today I'm disabling any NEW REGISTRATIONS from any one.
Anyone who does wish to become a member & join can contact Admin directly on admin@ozervnews.com .
I will need a few answers to...
Last post
Best for the future, Wayne...
Both mechanically and emotionally!
As for Forum-joiners, I reckon I can work out two of the questions.
But the one about the location of your birthmark might be a...
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- 981 Views
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Last post by Greynomad
Mon Jun 03, 2019 2:23 pm
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Dirty jokes request
by
BruceS » Fri Jun 12, 2015 9:09 am
We all know that the population is made up of lots of people with varying opinions on what is acceptable and what's not acceptable so perhaps we can use our own judgement as to what might be suitable...
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Last post by BruceS
Fri Jun 12, 2015 9:09 am
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Letter to Santa
by
Greynomad » Sat Nov 02, 2019 5:11 pm
Dear Santa,
This year I'd like you to give me a big fat bank balance and a nice slim body.
... and please don't get them mixed up like you did last year.
Thanks,
Sally
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- 37 Views
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Last post by Greynomad
Sat Nov 02, 2019 5:11 pm
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Lucky or what?
Replies: 1
by
Dot » Tue Oct 29, 2019 9:02 pm
First post
A man goes to the doctors feeling a little ill.
The doctor checks him over and says, 'Sorry, I have some bad news, you have Yellow 24, a really nasty virus.
It's called Yellow 24 because it turns...
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:lol: :lol: :lol:
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- 65 Views
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Last post by Greynomad
Tue Oct 29, 2019 11:31 pm
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1961 dating...
Replies: 1
by
Chuck » Thu Oct 17, 2019 10:07 am
First post
Y ou need to be able to remember the era to really enjoy this...
It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1958 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue.
He arrived at her house and rang the...
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Yeah I used to do that dance ;) ;)
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- 79 Views
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Last post by Dot
Thu Oct 17, 2019 2:49 pm
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Seven days.
Replies: 3
by
Chuck » Mon Oct 14, 2019 9:19 am
First post
MONDAY.
The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex.
Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the...
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Wot T1 said...
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
- 3 Replies
- 136 Views
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Last post by Greynomad
Tue Oct 15, 2019 5:54 pm
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God went missing...
Replies: 12
by
Greynomad » Wed Oct 09, 2019 5:54 pm
First post
Obviously, this was written by a Tasmanian...
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God was missing for six days.
Eventually, the Archangel Gabriel found him, resting on the seventh day.
“Where have...
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Spot on. Thanks mate.
- 12 Replies
- 282 Views
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Last post by Grandad
Sun Oct 13, 2019 9:25 am
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Another Blonde Joke
by
Greynomad » Tue Sep 24, 2019 11:25 pm
Dr: I’m just waiting for your x-rays.
Blonde: But I’ve never dated anyone called Ray.
Dr: I think we’ll do a brain scan, as well.
:?
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- 98 Views
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Last post by Greynomad
Tue Sep 24, 2019 11:25 pm
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Aussie magician.
Replies: 3
by
Chuck » Wed Sep 18, 2019 8:53 am
First post
An Aussie and a Kiwi walk into a bakery.
The Kiwi steals three pastries from the counter and puts them in his pockets.
He turns to the Aussie and says, Prutty sluck eh bro ? The owner dudn't...
Last post
That,s ok Chuck skin,s nearly has thick as an Aussie,s.
Norman, we know that you are a pom anyway. So it doesn't count! :lol: :lol: :roll:
David, I tell the Kiwi,s Im, a kiwi with a pommy...
- 3 Replies
- 126 Views
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Last post by norman
Sun Sep 22, 2019 12:10 pm
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Mummy, how was I born... ?
Replies: 5
by
Chuck » Wed Sep 11, 2019 10:53 am
First post
A 7 year old girl asks her mother; “Mummy, how was I born?
Mum smiled and replied:
“Well, once upon a time, Daddy and I decided to plant a special little seed.
Daddy put it in the earth...
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I've drunk red but doubt if any of them could be classified as 'good'...so will take your word & first hand knowledge on that one.
- 5 Replies
- 140 Views
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Last post by Chuck
Mon Sep 16, 2019 8:46 am
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The Crumpled Bills
Replies: 3
by
Chuck » Sat Sep 14, 2019 8:22 am
First post
With a very seductive voice the woman asked her husband:
“Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?”
“No,” said her husband.
She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3...
Last post
Excellent thank you.
- 3 Replies
- 76 Views
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Last post by RobertNotBob
Sat Sep 14, 2019 8:54 pm
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Heaven or Hell ?
by
pet-els » Sun Sep 08, 2019 3:44 pm
Once upon a time there were two brothers.
One brother was very mischievous, always getting into trouble.
The other brother, however, was very good.
He was always kind to animals, helped elderly...
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- 64 Views
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Last post by pet-els
Sun Sep 08, 2019 3:44 pm
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A bit 'iffy' - maybe.
Replies: 4
by
Chuck » Mon Sep 02, 2019 8:38 am
First post
Compliments to 'Maxine' - the cartoon version - for this one.
I hesitated putting this one up - but it is kinda funny - & factual.
I bought a bird feeder. I hung it on my back porch and...
Last post
It's a bit like the pollie that said those pacific islanders that were going to loose their livelihood due to the rising sea level, they won't be affected because they can come to Australia to pick...
- 4 Replies
- 151 Views
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Last post by T1 Terry
Wed Sep 04, 2019 2:57 pm
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Just a few laughs
Replies: 1
by
Dot » Thu Aug 22, 2019 5:57 pm
First post
❗️ My husband and I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 bill.
Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c.
She said, 'you gave me too much money.'
I said,...
Last post
They walk among us, they breed, and they vote …....
:? It's the last bit that worries me! :shock: :o
viz: USA and President Clown...
- 1 Replies
- 188 Views
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Last post by Greynomad
Thu Aug 29, 2019 12:43 am
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Doctor's visit...
Replies: 3
by
Chuck » Sat Aug 10, 2019 8:04 am
First post
May be an oldie but first time I've seen it...
During his physical examination, a doctor asked a man about his physical activity level.
He described a typical day this way:
Well,...
Last post
I, too, have played two games in my entire life.
My scores were too embarrassing to share. They resembled a 10-pin bowling score...
Surgery and a pin in my left arm have put paid to my golfing...
- 3 Replies
- 187 Views
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Last post by Greynomad
Tue Aug 13, 2019 1:06 am
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out of luck?
Replies: 3
by
BruceS » Sat Aug 10, 2019 7:39 pm
First post
How was your day?
worse1.jpg
Last post
*
*
worse2.jpg
And the moral of the story is...
When your getting screwed and there aint nuthin you can do about it...
The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence...!!!...
- 3 Replies
- 93 Views
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Last post by Vik351
Sat Aug 10, 2019 8:26 pm
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A Windy Tale
by
Greynomad » Tue Aug 06, 2019 2:05 pm
An old lady was standing at the rail of a cruise ship holding her hat on tight so the wind would not tear it off her head.
A gentleman approached her, Pardon me, madam, I don't want to appear...
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- 116 Views
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Last post by Greynomad
Tue Aug 06, 2019 2:05 pm
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Another Quiz Question
Replies: 3
by
Greynomad » Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:09 pm
First post
Q: What do you get if you cross a cow, a sheep and a goat?
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A: A milky baa kid.
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:...
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Time to repeat that Oldie but a Goodie :
Q: When we can't sleep, why do we count sheep, and not dogs, cats, or even giraffes?
A: Because sheep are Baa Coded.
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
- 3 Replies
- 143 Views
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Last post by Greynomad
Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:27 pm
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Psychiatrist
Replies: 4
by
pet-els » Sun Jul 28, 2019 2:30 pm
First post
What’s in a name ?
A psychiatrist was conducting a Group Therapy Session with five young. mothers and their small children. You all have obsessions, he stated. I am concerned that these...
Last post
Good one Peter 👍 👍
- 4 Replies
- 208 Views
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Last post by Shirley
Tue Jul 30, 2019 9:13 pm
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Today's quiz question
by
Greynomad » Fri Jul 26, 2019 10:12 pm
Q: What is grey, has four legs & a trunk?
(It's not what you think... :? )
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A: A mouse going on a cruise.
:lol:...
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- 101 Views
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Last post by Greynomad
Fri Jul 26, 2019 10:12 pm
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- 0 Replies
- 83 Views
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Last post by Greynomad
Wed Jul 24, 2019 8:14 am
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getting older .....
Replies: 3
by
BruceS » Mon Jul 22, 2019 10:09 pm
First post
Three elderly women are talking about their troubles.
“Sixty is the worst age to be,” said Ruth, the 60-year-old, “You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time nothing happens.”
“Ah,...
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Underwear Police?!?!?!?!? :shock:
You mean my #*#*#* might be arrested?? :o
Where would they put the handcuffs? :?
And would I have to go to the Police Station to bail it out? 8-) :roll:
I...
- 3 Replies
- 140 Views
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Last post by Greynomad
Tue Jul 23, 2019 9:55 pm
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The Centipede.
by
Chuck » Tue Jul 16, 2019 9:11 am
A single bloke decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.
So he went to the pet store & told the owner he wanted to buy an unusual pet.
After some discussion, he finally bought a...
- 0 Replies
- 68 Views
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Last post by Chuck
Tue Jul 16, 2019 9:11 am
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Funny street art
Replies: 5
by
T1 Terry » Fri Jul 12, 2019 2:15 pm
First post
The latest in the Folau collection, apparently this is on the side of a pub in Sydney. Folau mural.png
Read the number plate and the BSB and account number backwards, very clever.
T1 Terry
Last post
This is not posed - just a lucky grab in a Melbourne laneway.
Melbourne Laneway 7-11-14.jpg
- 5 Replies
- 266 Views
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Last post by SteveW
Mon Jul 15, 2019 4:33 pm
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How very British ...
by
Chuck » Fri Jun 28, 2019 8:36 am
In a train from London to Manchester, an American was berating the Englishman sitting across from him.
The trouble with you English is that you are so bloody stuffy ...
You set yourselves above...
- 0 Replies
- 124 Views
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Last post by Chuck
Fri Jun 28, 2019 8:36 am
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Hawkie's Humour
Replies: 1
by
Greynomad » Sun Jun 23, 2019 5:05 pm
First post
A joke told to a journalist by the late Robert James Lee Hawke:
RJLH: There are two bodies on the road: a dead kangaroo and a dead politician. What's the difference?
Journo: Dunno, Bob, tell...
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:lol: :lol: :lol: :roll: Nothing has changed in 20 years has it. :roll: :roll:
- 1 Replies
- 131 Views
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Last post by supersparky
Sun Jun 23, 2019 5:10 pm
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