Making Babies

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homeless
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Making Babies

Post by homeless »

For all you fellas who thought you had it right below is the instructions for making a baby that a friend has sent to me even though I feel for me it is a bit late..

Making a baby.

There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny!--

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat !.

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith..

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my God!' Mrs Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement..

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'

'Tripod?’, she queried, nearly fainting.

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand for long.'

Mrs. Smith fainted
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Dot
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Re: Making Babies

Post by Dot »

very good Brian but I reckon you could still do the job ;)
Queen of the Banal & OT chatter and proud of it. If it offends you then tough titty titty bang bang.
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homeless
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Re: Making Babies

Post by homeless »

No body will give me the chance Dot.
Always willing to help out where required but the offers seem to have dried up.
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Dot
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Re: Making Babies

Post by Dot »

You jest Brian, some of us know you have one chomping at the bit. :lol: :lol: :lol:
Queen of the Banal & OT chatter and proud of it. If it offends you then tough titty titty bang bang.
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homeless
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Re: Making Babies

Post by homeless »

MMMMM not sure where, but then I don't have enough money and beside I operate by FEEL now so I hope she will accept that.
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Greynomad
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Re: Making Babies

Post by Greynomad »

Brian,
:shock:
You can read BRAILLE??? :o
Just check you're reading the right bumps...........
;)
Regards & God bless,
Ray
--
"Insufficient data for a meaningful answer."
Isaac Asimov, "The Last Question"

"I refuse to drink water, because of the disgusting things fish do in it"
W.C.Fields
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homeless
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Re: Making Babies

Post by homeless »

So if your the exert do I check the big bumps first or start at the small ones first and then work up or do I just start at the bottom an explore the bumps all the way to the pother end before I make up my mind whether there is a chance of any more.
Do you wait for the audio signal or just observe the movements LOL.
Is the slap around the ears the stop signal, all the rules have changed since I was last there.
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Greynomad
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Re: Making Babies

Post by Greynomad »

Dottie is probably more of an expert than I am, Brian, but I suppose you’d be best to start at the bottom.
When you reach the big bumps, if you’re doing something right there should be hard little bumps on the big ones.
Audio signals should guide your progress from there. 😜
Ringing in your ears is probably a signal that you need to improve your technique. 🙄😁
Regards & God bless,
Ray
--
"Insufficient data for a meaningful answer."
Isaac Asimov, "The Last Question"

"I refuse to drink water, because of the disgusting things fish do in it"
W.C.Fields
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Dot
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Re: Making Babies

Post by Dot »

For goodness sake you boys, just do it :lol: doesn't matter where you start as long as you finish in the right place :roll: Brian you know who I am ref to cuz you been there and done that :lol: :lol: :lol:
Queen of the Banal & OT chatter and proud of it. If it offends you then tough titty titty bang bang.
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homeless
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Re: Making Babies

Post by homeless »

Gee Dottie you know more than me LOL.
There is none that I have known would want me back as I enjoy what I like to much and it did not go down to well. (dont make something out of that either Dottie"
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