The Ballad of Stanley & Louisa.
Posted: Thu May 09, 2019 12:53 pm
Young Stanley was a quiet lad throughout his time at school
He wasn't an academic but was thought of as a fool.
Not one to be outspoken, Stanley found it hard to talk
Six foot three with ginger hair - your average local Dork!
Now Stanley liked Louisa, a short & plump young girl
And just to catch a sight of her set Stanley's heart awhirl.
He longed to spend some time with her or even to say Hi
But Stanley couldn't talk to her coz he was much too shy.
But these young peoples lives were destined to entwine
Part of life's great mysteries & part of the grand design.
One small event occurred that raised them above the mark
Louisa got her ears pierced & Stanley got a stud.
This act of body piercing seemed somehow to break the ice
Next time Stan saw Lou he said "Geez, your ears look nice."
Lou checked out Stanley's stud & softly murmured "Cooool"
And Stanley went off whistling & grinning like a bloody fool.
Well, that's the way it started - the body piercing thing
All the places you could think of Louise & Stanley put a ring.
With rings & studs in lips & cheeks in silver & in gold
Louisa got more daring & Stanley got more bold.
Stanley got a navel ring so Louisa, she got four
They got so hooked on this fettish they simly wanted more.
Stans ears were getting droopy & Louisa looked a fright
With 27 eyebrow rings... 12 left & 15 right!
They got their bodies pierced in places we'll not talk about
But all that extra metal was uncomfortable - no doubt.
Stanley had some problems & people often gawked
When he got about with - knees apart - & jingled when he walked.
But with Stanley & Louisa life with them could not be finer
Until passion got the best of them in Stanley's Mini Minor.
In truth life is beautiful but is also seldom fair
When Stanley got his jangly rings caught in Louisa's (short & curly) hair.
What should have been a wonderous time of bliss & exstasy
Turned into a testing time of Stanley's elasticity.
At first he couldn't understand the reason for his pain
Each time he pulled away Louisa pulled him back again.
As they thrashed around inside the car & Stanley cursed his luck
The more they tried to pull apart the tighter they got stuck.
Stanley paused & had a look & to his horror he did find
That their navel rings had met & were hopelessly entwind.
Louisa had a look to see what she could do
But her eyebrow ring & his nipple ring became entangled too.
And in the wild confusion Stanley's joy became complete
When he got his nostril ring caught in the cover of the seat,
But super human effort brought on by pain & fear
Stanley got the Mini going down the road in second gear.
"If we can get home we might just get out of this" he said
"I can get a pair of scissors & pliers from the shed."
But fate was out to get them in a manner that was cruel
As half way down the main street Stanley's car ran out of fuel.
It stopped outside the movie theater, just near the roundabout
Just as the movie finished & the crowd was coming out.
Well, Louisa did her best to hide causing Stanley to yelp
Lots of people gave advice but that didn't really help.
They called the Police & the Fire Brigade, the local SES
WIRES, the dog squad & a reporter from the press.
But the problem wasn't quite normal from their local hurly burly
See, they had to get Stan's jingly rings from Louisa's short & curlies.
One bloke brought an angle grinder but he had to retire
Cos just one little spark could set a lot of hair on fire.
Well they finally used the jaws of life to cut the car in half
The crowd thought it was funny but Stanley didn't laugh.
A doctor with a hacksaw finally freed the tangled two
And now they've given up all rings & studs & going for tattoo's.
With thanks to Bill Kearns.
He wasn't an academic but was thought of as a fool.
Not one to be outspoken, Stanley found it hard to talk
Six foot three with ginger hair - your average local Dork!
Now Stanley liked Louisa, a short & plump young girl
And just to catch a sight of her set Stanley's heart awhirl.
He longed to spend some time with her or even to say Hi
But Stanley couldn't talk to her coz he was much too shy.
But these young peoples lives were destined to entwine
Part of life's great mysteries & part of the grand design.
One small event occurred that raised them above the mark
Louisa got her ears pierced & Stanley got a stud.
This act of body piercing seemed somehow to break the ice
Next time Stan saw Lou he said "Geez, your ears look nice."
Lou checked out Stanley's stud & softly murmured "Cooool"
And Stanley went off whistling & grinning like a bloody fool.
Well, that's the way it started - the body piercing thing
All the places you could think of Louise & Stanley put a ring.
With rings & studs in lips & cheeks in silver & in gold
Louisa got more daring & Stanley got more bold.
Stanley got a navel ring so Louisa, she got four
They got so hooked on this fettish they simly wanted more.
Stans ears were getting droopy & Louisa looked a fright
With 27 eyebrow rings... 12 left & 15 right!
They got their bodies pierced in places we'll not talk about
But all that extra metal was uncomfortable - no doubt.
Stanley had some problems & people often gawked
When he got about with - knees apart - & jingled when he walked.
But with Stanley & Louisa life with them could not be finer
Until passion got the best of them in Stanley's Mini Minor.
In truth life is beautiful but is also seldom fair
When Stanley got his jangly rings caught in Louisa's (short & curly) hair.
What should have been a wonderous time of bliss & exstasy
Turned into a testing time of Stanley's elasticity.
At first he couldn't understand the reason for his pain
Each time he pulled away Louisa pulled him back again.
As they thrashed around inside the car & Stanley cursed his luck
The more they tried to pull apart the tighter they got stuck.
Stanley paused & had a look & to his horror he did find
That their navel rings had met & were hopelessly entwind.
Louisa had a look to see what she could do
But her eyebrow ring & his nipple ring became entangled too.
And in the wild confusion Stanley's joy became complete
When he got his nostril ring caught in the cover of the seat,
But super human effort brought on by pain & fear
Stanley got the Mini going down the road in second gear.
"If we can get home we might just get out of this" he said
"I can get a pair of scissors & pliers from the shed."
But fate was out to get them in a manner that was cruel
As half way down the main street Stanley's car ran out of fuel.
It stopped outside the movie theater, just near the roundabout
Just as the movie finished & the crowd was coming out.
Well, Louisa did her best to hide causing Stanley to yelp
Lots of people gave advice but that didn't really help.
They called the Police & the Fire Brigade, the local SES
WIRES, the dog squad & a reporter from the press.
But the problem wasn't quite normal from their local hurly burly
See, they had to get Stan's jingly rings from Louisa's short & curlies.
One bloke brought an angle grinder but he had to retire
Cos just one little spark could set a lot of hair on fire.
Well they finally used the jaws of life to cut the car in half
The crowd thought it was funny but Stanley didn't laugh.
A doctor with a hacksaw finally freed the tangled two
And now they've given up all rings & studs & going for tattoo's.
With thanks to Bill Kearns.
I knew there was a reason I recoil in horror when I see someone with rings & studs in the most ridiculous places... 
