I thought it would be an opportune time for some helpful guidance on home workshop tools.
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
WIRE WHEEL: A device which attaches to your drill. Cleans paint off bolts then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in the time it takes you to say, "Oh, sh!t".
DROP SAW: A benchtop cutting tool used to make timbers too short.
PLIERS: Hand tool for rounding off bolt heads & nuts. Also helpful for creating blood blisters.
BELT SANDER: An electric power tool used to convert minor touch-ups into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija Board principle. It transforms human energy into random motions, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VICE GRIPS: Generally used after the application of pliers (see above) to completely round off bolts & nuts. If alternatives are not at hand, they are also useful for transferring the intense heat of a welding job to your hand.
OXY TORCH: Used extensively to set fire to various flammable objects in your workshop which were precious/useful/under restoration. Also handy for igniting the grease in a wheel hub which was proving difficult to remove.
TABLE SAW: A large, stationary power tool used primarily to launch wood projectiles to test the strength of walls.
HYDRAULIC JACK: Portable tool used to unexpectedly lower a car to the floor after you have installed new brake pads, but before refitting the wheel, trapping the jack handle under the bumper.
BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used to cut good sheet aluminium or woodpanelling into smaller pieces to more easily fit them into the bin after you cut inside the line rather than outside.
No need to thank me. I provide this information as a public service.
