A Scottish Christmas Doric poem

[T1 Terry]

You have to read it through in your head a few times to get the accent, but a good laugh
Copied from another forum, not mine, not the person who posted it on the other forum either, so there .....

The Christmas Fairy.

Am coury’in ‘neath an auld tin pail
In the midden by the Byre
Am fine an warm an toastie
Wi a drammie an a fire
Ave burnt yon gypit nightie
An trashed yon angel wings
An ye’ll nae catch me up a Christmas tree
As lang’s cock robin sings
I was born a free range fairy
On the slopes o Benachie
Fit auld folk cry-it a brownie
Or a kinfolk o the she
I grew up under the heather
And drank the morning dew
And worked the kind o magic
That little people do
I’d mak a quinie fa in love
Wi a laddie at the skweel
Or mak a fermer rue the day
He swickit on a deal
His ewes wid a’ lie coupit
His cows wid a’ ging dry
Hi tatties a’ be blighted
An his prize bull up an die
See, being a Scottish fairy
Is nae fit maist fowk think
We’re nae yon shilpit craters
Dressed up in mauve or pink
Blinin folk wi fairy dust
Needin Bairn’s tae clap their hands
An flappin little fairy wings
Tae flit ower fairy lands. Na na
Scottish fairies are just wee teuchters
As teuch as aul shoe leather
Dressed up in moleskin jaikits
An oot in every weather
Their breeks are made o hodden grey
Their caps o conker shells
An the tackety beets on their fairy feet
Are made o Scots bluebells
Now , ye’ll never see a fairy
Ye’ll never catch a sniff
For if a human sees a fairy
The fairy fa’s doon stiff
Nae deed as such, jist frozen
It canna blink an ee
So a fairy’s gie attentive
When theirs humans on the spree
Or I should hae been, gouk that I am
I was caught twa year ago
In a dwam, a’hint the dairy
Fan a little lassie cried
“Oh look Mum, there’s a fairy”
WHAM !! Ah had nae time tae rue ma folly
As her mother picked me up an’ said
“Oh, someone’s lost their dolly”
Dolly ? Ah was black afrontit
They stripped me o’ ma Nicky tams
An, syne doubt, ah sorts o’ things
Then dressed me in a nighty
An’ geid me angels wings
But the worst humiliation
Losh, it fairly made me loup
Was fan they took a jaggy Christmas tree
An jammed it up ma doup
Twa Christmases a’ve spent like that
A’ dignity was lost
A Norman Pine whar the sun don’t shine
My eyes watery an’ crossed !
Ah’d be there yet I warrant
Trapped in fairy hell
If it wasnae fur a pussy cat
An’ a ginger dug cried Bell
Ae day the cat an dug were fechtin’
Racin’ Roon’ the room
Fan they clatter aff the Christmas tree
An’ brocht the hale thing doon
A wheen o’ Christmas baubles fell
An’ shattert on the hearth
An ah flew Stracht oot the windae
An’ landed on the earth
Fan err ah touched the morning dew
It broke the magic spell
An ah gethert up ma nightie
An ran like merry hell
Noo I’m safe a’neath this bucket
An ah’l nae come oot till dark
An’ as for Merry Christmas?
Well ye can stuff that for a lark.

Merry Christmas everyone.

[BernieQ2]

IMG20241208175034.jpg

[T1 Terry]

IMG20241208175034.jpg

Is the beer a philosophical statement? But the real money on the bar is something rarely seen these days ... let me guess that is the change from the bigger value note after lashing out for a proper schooner of beer .... if it's anything like over here, it was a $100 note you handed over

T1 Terry

[BernieQ2]

$50 less $7 for the Schooner.
Don't tell Carol I have cash

[supersparky]

I'd say it was $7 for that schooner, going by the change on the bar. $6.30- $7 at my local club up here. $5 for any beer at most clubs at Mulwala for happy hour. You are getting ripped off over there.
Just remembered, you have to ask for a pint to get a schooner at most pubs in SA, otherwise you get a pot, or a midi as it's called in NSW. But if you want proper beer, you have to try Bernie's home brew.
I see Bernie has set you straight.

[Shirley]

Bernie you are travelling with your “cunning kick” as my Dad always called it. my Dad brewed his own beer over 65 years ago, way before all the beer kits came on the market.
A long neck holds I think 2 schooners, when pouring the beer of an arvo for himself & Mum they would both watch to see that the glasses were equal as kids my sister & I would have a sip of beer, neither of us drank beer as adults.

[T1 Terry]

IMG20241208175034.jpg

Is the beer a philosophical statement? But the real money on the bar is something rarely seen these days ... let me guess that is the change from the bigger value note after lashing out for a proper schooner of beer .... if it's anything like over here, it was a $100 note you handed over

T1 Terry

T'was a tad tongue in cheek, well, unless you go to the Adelaide oval, from Peter Mala .... what ever, our state premier on farcebook

We're currently paying $9.50 for a full strength pint of beer

and remember a pint in SA is a schooner in NSW, an imperial pint is a lot more. Then you get to the whole, how much beer do you get in a schooner/pint, it is supposed to be 375ml, but a 330ml stubby poured into a schooner glass will give you roughly the same as what you buy on tap .... then you have the "classy hotels" with their own size glasses with no measurement shown anywhere on the glass, but they won't hold a stubby of beer and you can be paying upwards of $12 each for them if there is something on, like a one man band or the footy finals on the TV
We go to the Mannum club if we go out these days, membership gets you a discount on meals and drinks .... just pay with the card, it hurts less .......

T1 Terry

[BernieQ2]

Good morning everyone.
Cunning kit.... been awhile Shirley but I also used to call it that... small world
Carol did ask me before I left if I needed any cash... should of took it .
My phone is on NSW's time but yesterday the GPS on the dash of Carol's car was on Qld...I wonder if this morning it will change...
The windscreen will need a clean before I leave this morning...bugs...lots of them.
IT will be a slower day today now that I can't see my mate, we haven't seen each other for about 60 years last time I was in the area he had COVID, so couldn't see him then.. when taking with Carol last night I mentioned coming down one winter to Nundle... maybe then we will catch up.
Anyway keep safe everyone.
Bernie.