Aussie Men's Humour

[aussiegirl]

I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next shit could spell
disaster.

My wife's best friend sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault.
I should have taken them off.

As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Wardens
funeral, a voice from inside screams "I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me
out!" The Vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and
mutters "Too late pal, the paperwork's already done".

I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night. Or "foreplay" as
she likes to call it.

After both suffering from depression for a while, the wife and I decided to
commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself I
started to feel a lot better. So I thought...What the hell....soldier on.

I woke up this morning at 8 and could smell something was wrong. I got
downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing!
I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonalds serve
breakfast until 11.30.

An Aussie bloke was standing at a bar and a beautiful woman was beside him
so he leans over and says, "You remind me of my little toe"
She replies, "What? You Mean I'm small and cute?"
He says, "No. I'll probably bang you on the coffee table later when I'm
drunk."

[supersparky]

Jenny, If I responded to this post I could get myself in so much trouble. So I won't. I'll just have a laugh later when no-one is looking