Aussie Joke...

[norman]

Two Aussies, Ferret & Knackers, were adrift in a life boat.
While rummaging through the boat's provisions
Ferret stumble across an old lamp.
He rubbed it vigorously, sure enough out popped a genie!
This genie, however was a little different.
He stated he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.
Without giving much thought, Ferret blurted out,
"Turn the entire ocean into beer..... Make that Victoria Bitter!"
The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash,
And immediately the sea turned into that hard-earned thirst quencher.
The genie vanished.
Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness
As the two men considered their circumstances
Knackers looked disgustedly at Ferret whose wish it was that had been granted.
After a long, tension-filled moment Knackers said, "Nice going Dickhead!
Now we're going to have to piss in the boat."

[SteveW]

KIWI JOKE

Two Kiwis, Bro & Bro, were adrft in a life boat.
While rummaging through the boat's provisions
Bro stmbled across an old lamp.
He rubbed it vgorously, sure enough out popped a genie!
Ths genie, however was a lttle dfferent.
He stated he could only deliver one wsh, not the standard three.
Wthout giving much thought, Bro blurted out,
"Turn the entire ocean into beer..... Make thet Speights!"
The genie clepped hs hands wth a diffening cresh,
And immediately the sea turned into thet hard-earned thirst quencher.
The genie vanished.
Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness
As the two men considered their circumstances
Bro looked disgustedly at Bro whose wsh it was thet had been granted.
After a long, tension-filled moment Bro said, "Nice going Dckhead!
Now we're going to have to pss n the boat."

[T1 Terry]

The Pope has decided he will sneak out and check out the Aussie beaches. He's walking up the beach and sees 2 Aussies in their banana lounges, umbrella up, esky between them chatting and downing a cold beer. Next minute there's splashing in the water and the Pope can see somebody thrashing around and a shark fin... next second the 2 Aussies leap out of their seats and into the water, wrestle the shark and one drives the knife through its throat killing it. they drag the shark and the swimmer back into shore.
The Pope goes over to the swimmer to give him his last rights but realises the 2 Aussies have saved him from being mauled. He asked the swimmer where he was from and he replied in gasping breathes that he was a Kiwi. The Pope is amazed, turns to the 2 Aussies and says, I heard there was antagonism between the Aussies and Kiwis but here I see the 2 of you risk your lives to rescue a Kiwi, god bless you both.
As he walks up the beach one Aussie turns to the other and asked, who was that... That was the Pope, highest man in the catholic church and a great theological scholar, the other Aussie replies, he may well be but he don't know shitte about shark fishing, how's the bait

[norman]

Many of the newest cars have a
“Back-Up Sensor” that warns the driver before the rear
bumper actually comes in contact with something.
Most people probably think that
this valuable feature came out of the minds of engineers,
but it was recently disclosed that the concept was first
developed by a Chinese farmer.

His invention was simple and
effective.

Pigg.jpg

[supersparky]

That's a biiiigg pig.

[norman]

Also so is the warning device...