Place your jokes in this section. A little naughty will be tolerated but please no really vulgar ones!!! If you might be offended it may be better to bypass this section!!!
I already follow most of these, but I learnt a few new ones:
IN GENERAL
1/ Never take an open stubby to a job interview.
2/ Always identify people in your paddocks before shooting at them.
3/ It's tacky to take an esky to church.
4/ If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
5/ Even if you're certain you're included in the will, it's rude to take your ute and trailer to the funeral.
DINING OUT
1/ When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to bruise the wine.
2/ If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with only one hand.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1/ A centrepiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2/ Don't allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners.
PERSONAL HYGIENE
1/ While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in private, using one's OWN ute keys.
2/ Even if you live alone, deodorant isn't a waste of money.
3/ Extensive use of deodorant can only delay bathing by a few days.
4/ Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a no-no, it alters the taste of finger foods and if you are a woman it can draw attention away from your jewellery.
DATING
1/ Always offer to bait your date's hook - especially on the first date.
2/ Be assertive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you ever since I read that stuff on the dunny door two years ago."
THEATRE ETIQUETTE
1/ Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up after the movie ends.
2/ Refrain from yelling abuse at characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.
WEDDINGS
1/ Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2/ Kissing the bride for more than five seconds may cause a drop in your popularity.
3/ For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A tracksuit with a cummerbund and a clean football jumper can create a tacky appearance.
4/ Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for the occasion.
DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1/ Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if your gun's loaded and the roo's in your rifle sight.
2/ When entering a roundabout, the vehicle with the largest roo bar doesn't always have the right of way.
3/ Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4/ When sending your wife down the road with a petrol can, it's impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.